Thinking out loud

Maybe it's because I somehow wasn't mentally prepared to find happiness here, or maybe I'd simply forgotten what being completely, utterly happy feels like, nevertheless, I feel stupid coming here once again, having nothing else to write about. It's overwhelming really, this feeling, it confuses me yet makes me smile. To feel so good about myself, to feel so blessed and grateful - I never thought I'd experience anything like this.

I've changed so much during these seven months. I've learnt so much, felt so much. When I came here I had just experienced my first real (and awful) breakup and even though there was a lot going on, I still couldn't keep my mind off it completely. I don't really remember much about my first months here, wish I'd kept a diary or something, but I'm pretty sure I was feeling a lot more miserable than I can now recall. I was having trouble being myself both in and out of school which slowly started turning into homesickness. I have a vivid memory of myself crying on the phone with my mom, telling her I just wanted to go home. It was scary, being on the other side of the world and wanting something so badly, something I couldn't have. After that phone call I haven't said those words again, I haven't had the need to.

As time went by and I started getting around more, the homesickness disappeared completely. My friendships with the people here and love for Melbourne and Australia in general have grown incredibly - along with my happiness. I've gained confidence and my interests have changed as well as my attitude towards life. Australia has inspired me so much when it comes to my diet, style and way of living - everything - and like I said a few posts back, I've never been this happy with myself. As cheesy as it sounds, exchange truly isn't a year in your life but a life in a year. I'm so excited for the future and it'll be interesting to see what the last five months of my year will be like.

[random shots of Brisbane]